The Right Word

I have three thousand, six-hundred and thirty-two ideas for what to write about, and currently none of them are stirring me from my comfortable bed of lethargy. Some of these are things that relate to me: the boy with the wild hair named Christian who I once thought I would marry; being snowed-in with Laura and falling asleep in our underwear in her parents’ bed; the motel I hid in for three days because I was afraid that if I spent one more night  in my own bed that I was going to never stop crying about something stupid which I won’t mention here. Other things don’t relate to me, but to other people: the dead girl that washed up on the rocks a few weeks ago, unnamed, unmourned; the half-finished cup of coffee on a windowsill, lipstick on the rim that doesn’t belong to the woman that lives there; the girl with the tattoo of a fish on her calf who is laying in the middle of the street because she can’t find the strength to go any further, across the street and in anything else.

My mind is full.

Nothing, however, wants to come out today.

And so here I am, stretched out on the sofa, listening to a John Lennon album, not reading, not writing, not doing much of anything.

The mind is full, and at the same time it is empty.

Bez has shown no inclination to go back to her apartment, and I haven’t the desire to see her do it, either. We have a need for one another’s company right now that is stronger than our own individual needs for independence, it seems. There has been no more hanky-panky on my part, either, so hopefully we can move forward without any more… distractions.

That’s the wrong word, “distraction.”

I don’t know what the right word would be.

Probably something that I don’t want to consider.

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6 Comments

  1. I see nothing wrong with stretching on a sofa, John Lennon, or Bez.

    Tell the three thousand, six-hundred and thirty-two voices to hush, now.

    Reply
  2. Sounds heavenly to me. 🙂

    Reply
    • Kameko

       /  January 13, 2012

      Honestly, it’s just the cycle I go through right before I have a word-gasm and spit out something that’s 20,000 words long or so.

      So I can’t really complain.

      Hope you don’t mind short stories!

      Reply
  3. I know that cycle. Very frustrating for me in the incubation stage, but necessary. Looking forward to the word-gasm…

    Reply
    • Kameko

       /  January 14, 2012

      A necessary evil, for certain.

      I’m sure it’ll all be worth it once the multimillion dollar publishing deal comes through, of course!

      Dreaming big over here.

      Reply

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